Unspoken
by Sky Chocoluv
Summary: Bianca James was once the free spirited, fun, and outgoing one everyone knew, until one day her life changed. She was raped by someone close to her and ever since had changed to a depressed girl. She keeps to herself now no friends or anyone to trust that is until she meets Ciara. Will she finally help Bee get by what happened or will she be stuck where she is? New version of Speak
1. Chapter 1

**_******I can tell you I've seen the movie like eighty times and thought I could do something perfectly like it.*********_**

There I lay in my bed listening to the horrible annoying sound of my alarm clock blurring in my ear. I wanted to just stay here and die but I knew I couldn't so I dragged myself out of bed and slammed my fist into the clock shutting it off. I walked slowly across the carpet dragging my feet feeling the soft fibers, once in the bathroom I closed the door and dug out my feeling bag from behind the sink. Opening the bag I saw a pile of razers and bandades, quickly I grabbed a razer and pulled up my shorts showing my thigh. I brought the blade to myskin and ran it across feeling the air come throught the cut, and I sighed when there was a knock at the door. I jumped and dropped the blooded blade on the ground as my dad spoke.

"Babygirl I know it's your first day of high school and you might be nervous so do you want a ride?" My dad's voice was sweet and nice he was my best friend when I was normal months ago but now I never talked to him.

"Yeah you know dad the bus is coming so I'ma take it maybe another time." I said it with guilt and heard the sound of him trudge down the steps and I sighed._ I just wish I could tell them_, i thought to myself. But pushed out the thought and brushed my teeth, after i cleaned up the sink and took a shower I went back to my room and into my closet. I used to always look my best stylish, fun, in date but now I didn't care want I put together. I I grabbed a black hooded shirt and ripped skinnies and threw them on quickly, I glanced in my mirror at my hair and sighed. It used to have color and definition with light brown highlights but now it was flat and the colors mixed into an ugly brown color, sighing I put my hair in a ponytail and grabbed my bag. I rushed down the stairs and to the kitchen I saw my dad but walked pasted him and grabbed a green apple off the table and bit into it as I went for the door.

"Have a nice day babygirl!" My dad shouted after me but I knew I wouldn't. I walked out the door and onto the patio and down the steps to the ledge of the wall around my house and sat down. Just as I did I heard the sound of a slamming door I turned to see my ex-best friend Stephenie coming down her steps she saw me and froze in midair, with that glance I went back to the day we stopped talking. It was the week after it happened and Steph had came to my house bacuse i hadn't seen or returned her calls.

_ "Bee just tell me what's wrong." She pleaded._

"_It's nothing..."_ I whispered.

_ "No something is off with you you're never this quiet even when you whisper!"_

_"Steph you don't understand."_

_ "Then help me to understand Bee!"_ I felt the voice in my throat try to yell out for her help but my fear wouldn't let it.

_"Would you let it go."_

_ "Noo I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong!"_ She yelled.

I was full of anger and exploded for a minute, _"Would you drop it, it's none of your buissness you stuborn_ **_BITCH!"_** Once I said it a weight of guilt dropped on my head when she jumped off my bed and slammed my door behind her, _"Stephenie."_

I flashed back and saw the bus coming and gripped my ipod and played 'New Divide by Linkin' Park' and highered it on full blast.

_**Tell me what you think and comment!**_

* * *

I have seven notebooks, a smelly bus seat, and a quease that's making me want to throw up. I took the seat in the back as Steph sat in the front I glanced at her for a secound until she looked at me and gave me a dirty look. Slowly the bus began to pile up and I saw all my old friends Jennifer, Nikki, Jamie, and of coarse Steph, they all hate for how I treated Steph so I lost all of them. When i though we had picked up the last person the bus came to a screeching holt and made me flop forward hitting my head on the seat in front of me, I held my head as kids next to me laughed and pointed. Looking up I saw a girl get on the bus with straight medium brown hair unlike mine, a thin figure, and not to much but had makeup. Slight mascara, blush, purple eyeliner (which I used to love wearing), and bright pink lipgloss, she was wearing a jean skirt, boots, and a hotlister top. I noticed I was staring when I heard a girl across from me whisper to her friend 'lesbian', for the record I'm not gay or bi well not that I know of up until last summer I dated guys no chance to be with girls. She came to the back and smiled down at me.

"Hi can I sit here?" Her voice was sweet and fun sounding a little lower then how I used to talk but mostly the same.

"Umm sure." I stammered as she sat.

"I'm Ciara I'm new I guess that's obvious. Me and my parents moved heer over the summer to that house right there." She pointed to a deep blue house with an amazing garden. I watched as her smile deepen as I looked at her, "So what's your name?"

"Ummm...Bianca." She shocked me the way she was so nice, "Maybe you should go sit up in the front with the other outgoing and popular people."

She looked stunned as I said it, "Why?"

"Because if you were here in 8th grade you would know I'm like the social outcast..." I said it and hung my head.

"I honestly aman outcast to I don't like the populars they're all stuck up and I don't care if no one likes you. I can't understand why you seem really nice and maybe we could be friends." Her smile was warm and it amazed me how she wanted to be friends.

"Maybe." I looked away and out in my head phones playing the music again. Within a few minutes the bus had arrived at the schol and me and Ciara got up as I walked behind her she walked with a sort of sway to her hips. When we stepped off she disappeared and I knew right away she might join the in-crowd and never talk to me again.

"Heyy!" I turned to see Ciara and her smile, "Come on Bee!" She grasped my hand I would have pulled back but when she called me 'Bee' it reminded me of how it was when I had my ex-besties. She pulled me with her to go enter the school when someone yelled.

"FREAK!" I looked up at everyone laughing at me but Ciara stuck up her middle finger and kept pulling me.

"Don''t mind them they're just being asses." We went with the group of new kids and as we walked I noticed that people were staring with shock I knew by heart the stare people sent to me and the one they were giving me now was not it. I followed their eyes down to my hand which was still looped with Ciara's _I completely forgot we where holding hands_, it never even bothered me so I left it there. As the tour ended we got our schedules and went to our classes, since I had sicence first I couldn't stick with Ciara she had chemistry we parted ways and I walked down the hall. I noticed no one was in the hall and knew I was late.

"Stop!" I froze as I saw a woman standing in the hall with a clipboard and bullhorn, "Come here" I began to jog to her "hurry it up now I haven't all day." I finally came to her and she looked at me in disgust.

"Good mornin..." She held up her hand.

"It's good morninggggg now it's five minutes past first period what's your name?" She took out a pen as her glare bore through me

"Bianca James...?" I was able to stammmer out.

"Hmm well James this is your first warning now get to class." She handed me a ticket like paper as I scoffed and kept walking until Icame to a door that said 'Science 183' just like my schedule and I walked in to see a class full of kids and they all glared, some snickered, and others smiled at comments their friends said.

"Hello sweetie what's your name?" Said a teacher with glassesand short.

"Bianca James." I said it lowly this time as others pointed.

"Oh wellum who's your partner" he looked around "who doesn't have a partner yet?" A guy on the other side of the room raised his hand. "Ah yes and your name is?"

"Daniel Peters." He said sounding upset, the teacher motioned me to the chair next to Daniel and I walked as someone laughed at me as I walked by. I took my seat next to Daniel and he looked at me and raisedhis hand in a way, I straighted my frown as to say hi back. He put hs hand down and sighed I put my hands in my lap and sat like the the rest of class.

Six periods later I was heading to Math with Ciara and felt even worse then I had this morning because everyone was laughing behind my back. When i stepped into the class I saw her the teacher that yelled at me in the hall I turned and tried to follow Ciara to the back but she stopped me.

"Oh no you don't James you sit right were I can make sure you don't start trouble." I frowned as she said it and went to the seat in front of the class and she stared at me before turning her attention to the class, "Now we're going to talk about percents and fractions." Just like every year since middle school they say we'll move to more advanced stuff but always go back to fractions. "Now who can give me a problem for 1/2?"

A girl raised her hand, "How about how half of Bianca is freakish and the other half is psycotic!" Everyone in the class was laughing when I turned in shock, i saw Ciara jump out of her chair.

"How about how half this world is actually real while the other half is bitchy and I bet you would know alot about that huh Carrie?" I almost dropped my jaw at how Ciara stood up for me she saw me and winked but turned her attention back to Carrie.

"Miss Summers I'll not have that kind of talk in my class!" Said the teacher which I found out from the board who's name was Mrs. Liman.

"Or maybe how half the boys in this school are in your pants while the other half is in your mouth!" Ciara shouted back as Carrie stood up and went over to her.

"Miss Ruft sit down and Miss Summers it's either you take your seat or leave my class!" Mrs. Liman screamed i turned back to Ciara and saw her grab her bag and bolt out the room before she shot me a look and motioned me to follow her I grabbed my bag and got up. The teacher shot me a look butI left right away to catch up to Ciara. Who was standing against the door to the stairs.

"Come on we're ditching class till lunch." She grabbed my hand and pulled me through the door and up the stairs to the roof and bust through the door, "So you okay?"

I looked at her as we sat down next to the door, "I'm fine." She put her hand on my hand and smiled with pity.

"Don't worry you have me for the year and I know we're already great friends." Her smile grew bigger and her cheeks grew red, we sat in silence for a long time looking at the school grounds and baking in the sun when I had to say it.

"Ciara why do you want to be friends with me?" She looked shocked or confused maybe I should talk a little higher around her.

"Because you're not fake like everyone around here you're different." She leaned in to me and I guessed I knew what she was doinng because I leaned in too. Our lips met and her lips were so soft the lipgloss she had on tasted like strawberry, and made her lips really smooth, for what seemed like an eternity the bell rang. I pulled back to see my hands on her side and her hands around my neck the bell really interrupted something I wanted to continue. "So you ready t go home?"

"I guess." I stood up and pulled her along with me, as we walked down the stairs I kept a look out for teachers as Ciara pulled us through the doors we ran to the bus and jumped on as it pulled away. We got stares and snickers as we made our way to the back. When everyone got off the bus it was me and Ciara that were last, "So I guess I'll see you later?"

"Deffinatley I'll see you tomorrow!" She gave my cheek a kiss and ran off the bus. I sat there until we came to my house I walked off the bus and went into my house. Just like always the house was quiet because no one was home i sighed and went to my room.


	2. Chapter 2

I sat on my bed thinking about what happened between me and Ciara and was shocked we kissed and I let her without pushing back. Making my way down to the kitchen I grabbed a diet Pepsi and sat on my couch and thought. What would happen to Ciara if I had still been friends with my old besties and was popular again? Would she still have talked to me? Maybe she would walk right by me and sat alone being an outcast by herself. _Sigh,_ I should not be thinking about a girl like this I'm straight but honestly I'm sure I'm gay just by that kiss. Then I stopped the thought when I heard the door bell, jumping up I ran for the door and saw my mom, real mom. "Hi ma." I hugged her and she smiled.

"Heyy are you ready?" I pulled back I completely forgot I was staying the night and then I saw Julita my little sister jump out the car and ran over. She jumped at me in a hug I didn't have to force a smile when around my mom and sister.

"I'll go get my stuff." I said pulling away from Julita and rushed up the stairs, entering my room I grabbed my bag I always had packed to go to my mom's house and put my flip flips on. I came back down the stairs and shut the door behind me I rushed to the car and jumped in as my mom smiled she pulled from the curb and began to drive, it olny takes five minutes to get to her house from mine by car she lives up the street. "How's school munchkin?"

"Fine I know how to draw a thelf potrait." She makes words sound funny sometimes she's missing her front teeth but I know she ment 'self portrait' and smirked.

"Cool that's great." i said as we pulled up at their condo, i climbed out and walked through the front door to see my stepdad Louie he's puerterican and cool.

"Hey Beec!" He said as I huggged him eversince I was little they called me that I don't know why but they said it stuck when my little sister tried to say my name for the first time. I smiled at my mom not fully but somewhat the small smile I was able to start forming when I came here, and walked up the stairs to my brother's room Geremy is always at my uncle's when I come over so I stay in his room when I do come over. I put my bag in the closet and took off my sandals so I was bearfoot then heard a car door shut, i walked over to the window and that's when I elt my stomache drop, knees buckle, and throat dry as I saw him. My step cousin Johny theone that...raped me;** that's when my mind flashed me back...**

_It was my mom's birthday and we were at my stepdad's father house with a whole lot of drunk adults and kids from three to eighteen. The adults were dancing and the kids where bored, so my cousin Liam (step cousin) offered hide and seek and we all agreed. Johny and Brian were it and we all had one hundred secounds so me and my mom's friend's daughter who was my good friend Diane were hiding together when we saw the guys coming for us. We rushed for the back door but she acidently closed it on me and it locked, i looked and saw them coming jumped over the railing and began to run to theneighbors backyard as Johny followed me i went to the other side but Brian was waiting for me._

_ "Okay okay I'm it!" I giggled but they stayed staring at me I looked behind me and everyone was back at the party. It was just me and the guys, "Um maybe we should go back to the party."_

_ "Now!" Brian shouted and Johny grabbed me and put a hand over my mouth knowing I was going to scream, and dragged me to the neighbors shed. i kcked and screamed but they were to strong and pulled me into the shed and Brain closed the door leaving me and Johny alone I saw a mattress on the floor and knew we weren't playing a game anymore I tried to bite him but he just threw my against the bed and got on top of me. I screamed when he moved his hand but he got a roll of duck tape and put it on my mouth._

_ "That takes care of your screaming." Johny said as he unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them down. I began kicking him and pushed him away but he was to strong against my weak arms. He laid down to unbutton his pants, and I ripped off the tape._

_ "Please hellpp meeeeee!" I screamed and he laughed._

_ "No one can hear you the musics to loud, thanks to Brian." He raised his eyebrows and got on me._

_ "PLeeeaaasssssseeeee!" i tried but he ignored it, "Stop please I won't tell just please!"_  
_ " i know you won't." He took my unerwear off and raped me right then and there. After he was done he put his pants on as I shivered with fear and hurt and was motionless, "Don't you tell anyone if you do you'll regret it." He opened the door and left leaving me there by myself as soon as I got up I felt cold. I fixed my pants and shirt and pulled myself of the mattress in shear pain, slowly I walked back to my grandfather's house and saw everyone dancing and not even notice me as i walked by. i made my way to the secound floorwhich I used to live on and went to my room. i looked around and saw the pictures of smiling friends and family and a happy me and felt tears burn my throat. I ran to my wall and tore them all down every single one and dropped to the floor in tears..._

I brought myselfback to reality and sighed the knots in my stomache grew intense and my eyes overflowed with tears but I wiped them away. I felt my knees break as Imade my way down the steps and i saw them two little girls one and one half and three years old running around with their mom trying to calm them down and then him, the knots grew worse which made me wince. I saw a little bruntte on his leg and saw her face Julita! He was bouncing her on his leg with a smile on both their faces when he looked up and saw me i looked away and continued down the stairs I pasted him without any 'hello' or 'hi' and to my mom in the kitchen.

"Heyy want a sandwhich?" She asked but i shook my head, "Why are so you quiet?"  
I knew she didn't ever notice my behavior around him but she knew when I wasn't myself, which honestly I didn't know who she was anymore. I shook my head to say 'nothing' and she stared at me searching my eyes but I looked away I watched as Julita smiled at Johny and it made me sick and want to run away but I had to make sure he didn't hurt her EVER I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing he hurt her the way he did me. I sighed and made my way to the fridge to get a soda and sat at the table and watched him laugh at her like everything was dandy.

* * *

I laid in my brother's bed thinking about what I would do with my life stay like this living in guilt or fear, tell everyone and get the pity of others and get looked at differently, or commit suicide and end this trend of fear I live with everyday. Sadly I don't know if I could live with the new stares I get but maybe my old self was worth getting back. I don't think killing myself would solve anything, and keeping it to myselfwas all I knew how to do but someday with all this guit i'd crack and have to do something. For my days bring only four words solitude, afraid, empty, and alone.

But for now I will have to sit back and wait for the right path to come to me and help me make the right choice for my sanity.

_*********TELLL ME WHAT YOU THINK!******** **_


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning my mom woke me up to tell me it's time for me to get dressed for school, I sighed as I got out of the bed, I made my way to the shower and turned on the water just to the perfect temp. I climbed in and felt the warm water pelt down on me and knew that I was always myself when I was in the water, and liked it that way. Slowly after washing up I stepped out the tub and walked back to my brother's room and grabbed the outfit i had packed and sighed jeans and a black shirt that said 'I have fangs so don't make me bite you' in purple. I put them down when i heard a knock at the door, "Beec?"

"Yeah ma?" I looked to see her with a long purple skirt with a half slip on the side and almost gasped I would always jump at the clothes my mom used to give me but wasn't to sure now.

"Doesn't this look pretty i was going through my clothes and saw this and thought you might have something to match it" she looked down at my shirt and smiled "you wanna wear it today with that shirt?"

I wanted to jump up and snatch it but I restrained, "Sure thanks ma." I took and she walked out, sighing I put on a bra and slowly dressed with the shirt and skirt. When I looked in the mirror I almost gasped, "You look like your old self?" With the outfit and my naturally wavy hair and deep brown eyes I saw some of my old self.

I walked from the mirror and put on my biker boots which were all leather and stylish black with buckles on the sides. Slowly I made my way down the stairs with my bookbag and 'sleepover' bag and headed for the kitchen. My mom stood at the sink washing out her coffe cup and smiled when she saw me.

"Oh Beec you look cute!" She said and almost made me want to laugh. She hugged me and i walked to the cabinet and took out a box of Smores which were so old but I still loved it. Shaking a bowl fill i sat back on the chair near the door and took a bite as my mom sat down next to me. "So beec I've noticed a serious change in your behavior, you wanna tell me what's up?" I looked up at my mother's ivory green eyes and peach skin and back to my carmamel skin and sighed.

"Nothing ma it's just I've been through enough stress i'm just trying to be a different me." i knew it was a lie but I just really couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth.

"Bianca i know when you're lying tell me the truth." That's what my mom does she's my best friend and then my ever knowing mother. I looked her in the eye and saw something flash across them, Worry. She knows just what to do to get something out of me.

"Okay mom i..." I couldn't tell her first I hesitated then there was a knock at the door.

"Mom! Open the door!" It was Geremy i climbed from my chair slowly and unlocked the door to see my oh so perfectly, fun, and annoying brother. "Oh shit Beec." He grabbed me in a hug and I could feel his muscles pull 1/4 of a smile out of me.

"Heyy Germany." He pulled back and rolled his eyes that was the name I used to shout at him laughing but now I just say it with shame.

"How many times do i have to tell you to stop calling me that." He grunted and rushed past me to hug my mom.

"Were have you been?" She asked sarcastically.

"Me and Selina have been with some friends since yesterday." She rolled her eyes at his answer and he turned to me, "Ready to go?"

"You're drivin' me to school" he nodded "ma I thought you were?"

"I can't gottta take Julita to the doctor." She got up and went up stairs. I sighed and grabbed my bag as Jeremy went to his car. He just turned sixteen this summer and was showing off his new Honda. I climbed in and we drove off in the direction of the school.

"How's school sis?" I looked up at him as he said it.

"It's fine bro just great." I sighed as we pulled up and I got out.

"Bye Beec." I waved as he got out with his bag and went in the oppisite direction I kept walking and entered the hall to my homeroom. i quickly walked to my locker and opened it taking out my books and threw in my bag when I felt an arm on my back push me. I fell in my ocker head first and grunted when I heard laughing. i turned to see a group of kids pointing at me and a guy standing out smiling.

"Be more careful." He shrugged and the group walked away on his heels.

"Bianca!?" I turned to see Ciara rushing over to me. She came to my side and helped me up then her eyes went to the jerk who pushed me, we stood together and grabbed my books then closed my locker and walked back to our homeroom taking our seats right next to each other. I sighed as the first bell rang and vibrated my headache even more as Ciara pulled me from my seat and we went to our classess.

I left third period and headed for the cafe we i met up with Ciara in line. "Heyy Bee!"

"Oh hi." I grabbed a slice of pizza and an apple and followed Ciara to the back of the cafe went I heard laughing and felt something scratch my foot and made me lunge forward falling hard and landing face first in my pizza. I gasped and bolted up to see a shocked Ciara take her tray and bash it over the girl's head who tripped me and she screamed. She jumped onto Ciara and they started pulling hair I don't know why but I got up and walked over to them pulled the girl off of Ciara, threw her on the floor, and punched her in the face. Her nose began gushing blood and hands grabbed my arms and I turned to see the police officers that watched over the cafe, they took me, The girl, and Ciara to the office were we all sat and waited for our parents. Ciara's parents came and so did the other girl's parents I found out her name was Tracey. After they were done I looked down the hall and saw my parents, _Oh no!_

It was my dad, little brother, and stepmom with angry looks on their faces as they came to me.

"What the hell are we doing here on the secound day of school!? God dammit Bianca!" My stepmother Sherry yelled in my face but I just sat there glaring at them.

"Mr. and Mrs. James thank you for comingplease step in my office." Said the principal behind a corner.

"Mr. Blacker I understand that she got in a fight but she's a good girl she never gets in fights this school has messed up our daughter this school is beyond misbehaved!" My father yelled.

"Look I'm not blaming her..."

"Then why are we here?" Sherry yelled.

"Mr. and Mrs. James please we're here to dicuss Bianca. The change we have noticed in your daughter is due to stress, famliy problems, and acception. We have record back in seventh grade she had perfet grades, behavior, and was a social butterfly, but since last year ther's been such a change. Bianca would you like to tell us why?" I looked at Ms. Ding our guidenss counselor as she said all of that but my throat was a berran wasteland and Icouldn't say anything even if i wanted to.

"This is ridiculous she's not saying anything she's completely silent. Open you god damn mouth Bianca!" Sherry screamed and Jr. began to cry, she picked him up and walked out. I sighed as my dad stared at me.

"I'm sorry to say this Mr. James but we're going to have to suspend Bianca for hitting Tracey and giving her a bruised nose. Ten day suspension, you may go thank you for coming." He grinned shook my dad's hand and he walked out the door while I sat in the chair looking down at my hands feeling tears begin to develop in my eyes. i felt a hand on my shoulder and saw Ms. Ding and her nice smile.

"When you come back I'll schedule a session for you to meet with me every week so I can help you work out this problem you're dealing with." I just watched as she said it and walked out the door and I sighed it was just me. After five minutes I grabbed my bag and walked to my locker. I came to my hall and saw Ciara in front of my locker when she saw me she smiled, she sat up straight and motioned me to come over.

"Heyy how long are you suspended for?" I sat down next to her and laid back against her locker.

"Ten days."

"Me too, I have no idea what I'ma do for ten days. I just know I'm not gonna spend it at my house. Heyy you wanna stick with me during our suspension." She looked at me and her smile widened. I nodded my head because I don't wanna hang at my house either. We stood up and walked arms looped together out the front door of the school and down the stairs, i looked up to see my parents just driving off and kept going. Sighing i laid my head down on Ciara's shoulder as we walked I felt the wind blow against my skirt, i pulled Ciara to a nearby park that me and Stephanie used to go to and the spot in the woods that had a big oak tree on a hill over seeing the city. I sat down and she took the spot next to me and we laid back against it and stayed in silent. "Bee?"

I noddedmy head and hummed.

"What are we? Besties, girlfriends, or friends with benefits?" I almost was shocked at how she asked I was still asking myself that question. She lifted her head of my shoulder and looked me in the eyes, I knew what we were whne I looked at her. i leaned in and kissed her my lips brushed hers' lightly and she did the same, she was wearinng the same lipgloss she was the other day and it still tasted strong. I felt her tongue brush my lips and knew what she wanted I parted my lis a little and let her tonge tickle mine, but I pullled back. "Too much?" She looked guilty and I shook my head. I laid my head on her shoulder and we stayed there until dark.


	4. Chapter 4

By the time we walked back to her house she sighed, "Heyy can I stay the night at your house?"

I looked at her and was shocked at her question but shrugged it off and grabbed her hand pulling her toward my street. I was glad to see that my house had no lights on and the cars were gone so i pushed the door open and went to the kitchen pulling open the fridge to see nothing to eat, I sighed and turned to see a box of pizza on the counter. I walked over to it and gabbed some plates from the cabniet, along with two cups of pepsi and handed the cups to Ciara while I carried the box and plates up to my room. I pushed the door closed behind us and put the box down on my bed and went to my closet.

"Hey can I borrow some clothes?" I turned and nodded. I reached in and pulled out two pairs of shorts and tang tops and handed a pair to her, "Thanks." She pulled off her shirt and i saw her purple striped bra and turned to put on my shorts and shirt. I walked slowly over to my bed and opened the box which had a note on it:

**_Bianca,_**

**_Went out to dinner after you didn't come home_**

**_we understand if you mad but it's your own fault_**

**_so eat dinner on your own we'll be home late. So see you tommorow._**

**_Sherry_**

I sighed and picked up two slices of my favorite bacon pizza, and bite into one tasting the bacon bits. I glance at Ciara who has three slices and is chopping hungrily on hers when she looks up at me, "Bee?"

"Hmm?" I'm shocked when she looks at me worried.

"Will you tell me why you're so quiet it's like you're in serious depression mode." I dont know what to say when she climbed on my bed next to me.

"Nothing it's just how i am." She looked at me disbelieving.

"Bianca I know there's something that is not right in your eyes when I look in your eyes it's like they're screaming help to me!"

"That's because they are..." And with that she didn't say another word instead she stood up and went back to her pizza, it stunned me why didn't she provote me farther.

"I can see that it hurts you when you think aboout it, you're scared when you try and let it go, you wish it never happened. But Bee I can tell it did."

"Huh..." I was shocked did she know about me.

"I can tell by the look in your eyes you know I'm right."

"How do you know?" She looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"Because my sister was once like you she was a happy soul then she commited suicide because she was raped by my father...so i know what that look in people's eyes are. It pops out to me and with you I see that look i used to get from my sister before she killed herself. It was four months ago i found her with a gun shot through her head and that's why me, my mom, and my stepdad moved here, over guilt we couldn't stop her. Bianca I know but I want you to tell me yourself so I can help." What she had just said made me feel so much better about myself.

I got up and walked to the chalk board I had in my room and wrote 'I WAS RAPED' before I could turn she had her arms around me sniffling, "You can't tell anyone."

She pulled away in fear, "No we have to tell your parents that's why Racheal killed herself because she kept it to herself and kept the guilt. You have to tell."

"I told you didn't i just please can just me and you deal with it, then we'll tell my parents?" I sighed trying to hold my breathe.

"Okay but we have to tell them eventually okay.

"Okay thanks CC." I said the nickname like it was nothing and she smiled. We finished our pizza told each other about ourselves and laughed somewhat and fell asleep faces to face with a smile on her face and a quarter smile on my face.

******I know it's weird but hey at least she has someone who knows, accepts, and loves her. Plez reveiw/favorite this story!******


	5. Chapter 5

For the next two weeks went by so quickly it shocked me when I woke up at 5:30 on my day back. For my suspension my parents had not been around so me and Ciara got to do whatever we wanted (which wasn't much). Most of the time we spent at my house and did whatever she tried to keep putting make-up on me but I just refused. It was the most fun I've had in a year, but know it was back to hell. I went to turn off my alarm and faced Ciara, _I forgot she slept on my bed last night_. I got up quietly not to wake her and made my way to the closet pulling out a blue sweater and jeans when I heard a yawn, "Morning."

I looked behind me to see Ciara stretching "Hi you want to get something to wear?" She nodded and walked to my closet pulling out a skirt and red long sleeved shirt with tights. I threw on my jeans as she slipped on the tights. After changing we went downstairs and each ate a bowl of coco puffs, Ciara fixed her hair and make-up quickly before we rushed out the door to catch the bus. I grapped my coat and umbrella and Ciara grabbed her jacket, we got down the steps just as the bus pulled up.

"So are you excited about the Halloween dance we're having!?" Ciara practically shouted in my ear.

"I'm not sure I wanna go." I sighed out because I really used to love going out to get candy from all the rich neighborhoods but it was just not worth it now.

"Come on Bee just an hour or two please! I don't wanna go alone!" She bounced in the seat which made me sigh.

"Fine I'll go just stop yelling in my ear." She shrieked and stared listing things we could go as.

"Yay maybe we can go shopping for our costumes together!" Two hours later I was in math class waiting for the bell to ring when Ms. Liman pointed to me.

"Huh...?" Everyone laughed at me.

"I said what is the answer to the question on the board James!" I glanced at the board and tried quickly to get the answer but she grunted and called on someone else, it was the popular girl that hangs out with Stephanie now.

"The answer is $173,738,973 oh and forty-two cents." Smart bitch, the teacher clapped and the bell rang I rushed out the dor and to the bathroom where I got out a stick of ipstick my mom forces in my bag every day. Uncapping it I wrote "FANNY JAD IS A WHORE' and walked out the bathroom in an instant. Right when I got to the hallway of the cafe I hear someone yell.

"James!" i turned to see Mrs. Liman running after me, I ran down the hall and to a door found open around the corner and rushed in. I sat in the dark of the room and finally searched for a light and found a switch. Right when I hit it I saw I was in the aditorium and there was a huge grand piano and microphone on the stage, and felt a warm feeling grow in my stomche asI remembered the same thing I felt when I used to sing. Slowly walked to the stage andclimbed up walking to the mic and tapped it, a low sound cameout not to loud or too high, i sighed. I made my way to the piano and pressed the middle C which sounded sweet and low just how I remember and right when I sat down I felt that feeling i used to have and began playing 'Fallen by Alicia Keyes' who was a singer i just adored. I finised and heard clappin, I turned to see my music teacher Ms. Rogers.

"Well that was impresive i've never heard a song as complicated as that played with such grasce and by the look you had on your face you were really into it." She had long blonde hair and was in her early twenties and dressed like a younger version of herself. I liked the way her personality was.

"Oh i know I'm no supposed to be here I-I...'

"Don't apologize I'm glad I was here to hear that now you're Bianca James right?" As she asked I nodded my head. Slowly I stood up and and began to get off the stage, "Maybe you can take my higher class where I do give piano lessons I would be honored to have you." She smiled and the bell rung she motioned me to leave and I left with somewhat a pride.

_******SORRY IT'S SHORT BUT TELL ME WAT U THINK I RELI LUV UR GUYS OPINION PLEZ REVEIW!******_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 5.

I met Ciara at her locker and she smiled, "Okay so it's like October 2nd so maybe we can go get our outfits like next week. KK?" I nodded and she closed her locker, "Where have you been I looked for you at lunch?"

"I was talking to a music teacher..." She nodded and we walked to class.

As I stood in the costume store as Ciara pulled out costumes that matched for us.

"Maybe bambam and...oh no ketchup and mustard wait conduments really make me look fat. Oh maybe Snow White and Cinderella...no no no we can be a devil then angel..." she was practically running around the store, "Wait OMG I found the best costumes from my old fave tv show Raven and Starfire from the Teen Titans! Oh my god I've so got the best picks you want Raven i love Starfire." i nodded my head because secretly I loved Raven. I followed her to the changing rooms and tried on the outfit, just like Raven's the leotard only covering my body, showing my legs, and the cloak that fit my head and came down to my ankles. I wrapped it around my body and it fit without me having to hold it, that was the perfect bonus. I walked out to see Ciara twirling in her purplr and silver skirt with the half shirt and long go-go boots. I noticed she had gotten a scarlet red wig to match Starfire's, I looked at a hook on my door and saw a dark purple short wig. I whipped it on my head then walked inthe almost cloth shoes over to the mirror Ciara was using when she turned to me. "Bee you look great I really like these out fits how bout you?" I nodded in agreement and we went to change back, slowly we walked over to the register and payed thirty dollars each. We walked to the street hand and hand walking back toward our houses.

"So..." She looked up as I said it, "Do you wanna get a ride from me our I cancome over later.

"You should come over my mom really wants to meet you because I'm always talking about to you." She smiled happily when we came to her house "Come on let's get ready we have like three more hours and I need four hours to get my wig to her perfectly trimmed bangs." She laughed and I sighed happily. As we walked in I saw a woman with a Betty Boop costume on putting candy in a bowl and she smiled when she saw us.

"Oh so you must be Bianca Ciara talks about you allllllllll the time so are you girls ready for tonight?" She was really pretty with flowing blonde hair.

"Mom you might want to put your wig on and yeah we have to go getready we'll be down soon." She gripped my hands and ran up the stairs behind her and she brought me to her room which was hot pink. After two hours me and Ciara were dressed, had our faces done with make-up (Ionly had a red dot on my forehead and some lipgloss), and our wigs were prepped up. "We look hot Bee!"

I smirked and we walked dwon the stairs to see her mom and stepdad in the livingroom when they saw us they smiled.

"Hey girls are you ready to go?" Her mom asked.

"Yeah mom let's get going, dad is staying to hand out candy because I don't want him to embarrass me, they all laughed and we climbed in the car I wish my family was this close. When we got to the school the music was loud and the lot was packed.

"Do you have the tickets?"

"Yeah mom."

"Your cell?"

"Yes."

"And..."

"Mom we've got everything we'll see you at nine!" She said and pulled me out the car with her, we made our way to the door, handed in our tickets, and walked in. The music radiated my body while Ciara pulled me through the crowd and began to dance but I stood there not knowing how to do this I don't dance anymore. She grabbed my hands and twisted me with her, it felt good to dance so i moved with her. For what felt like forever the song ended and Ciara pulled me to the front of the crowd to se who would be awarded the best costume.

"Congatulations to Bianca James!" My eyes widened as they said my name Ciara looked worried but the crowd pushed me forward on the stage, they turned me to face the crowd and put the crown on me when I heard something and looked up. But it was to late down came a mess of condements, pickles, onions, and mud all of it went over me as I gasped. Everyone began to laugh as Ciara pulled me off the stage and to the bathrooms.

"You okay?" I shook my head.

"I just wish everyone would leave me alone..."

"It'll get better don't worry." She grabbed some napkins and helped me clean it all off and called her mom to pick us up which she arrived in ten and brought us back to my house where I showered and threw my outfit in the washer and crept into bed slowly wishing I could just curl up and die.

**_****TELL ME WAT U THINK.*****_**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7.**

The weeks went on dealing with Ciara's worry stares, the jerks of the school hating me,Stephanie's ignoring me, and my parents never around. It was the week of Christmas, the event of Thankgiving ended in chaos my parents argued about how I wasn't eating with the huge pile of food Sherry had made. She growled at me to eat something soI took one bite of the mashed potatos but that was it and it drove her over the edge. She screamed at me and made Jr. cry while my dad tried to calm her down but it wasn't helping. She yelled how my grades were dropping, I was bearly eating, and I was much quieter then I used to be. I just sat there looking at my dad who just stared without my attention on her my stepmother smacked my face, and I gasped. She took the plate the turkey was on and threw it out the window.

"If you're not going to eat then find it's garbage!" She yelled while I cupped m face. She picked up Jr. and walked out the room and i looked up at my dad.

"You wanna go get some pumpkin pie?" He said lowly and I nodded. I grabbed my hoodie and put on my sneakers and we went into the car. We arrived at our old favorite pie place and ordered one large pumpkin pie, and cut two pieces while my dad scarfed his while I took one long bite of mine. "You okay babygirl?"

I nodded and looked down at my pie in sickness.

I flashed back to reality when there was a knock at my door, "Bianca we're taking your brother sledding are you coming?"

"No Ima stay home Sherry." I hard her walk away and got out of bed Christmas eve we always went sledding and had fun but I just wasn't up for it. Putting on three pairs of pants, two sweat shirts, and four socks with my wool hat I walked out the door and to the woods in the back of my house. I laid in the snow for awhile and threw snowballs at trees thinking how much long can I go on like this. And I stayed there practically all day until I got cold and went home to find my family having hot coco and sugar cookies when they saw me.

"You want coco sissy." Jr. laughed and I nodded walking over to him taking a cup, stripping off my layers. We all sat back and sipped the coco while my stepmom made cookies for the 'oh so famous Santa' for Jr. sake. I sighed and went to my room sitting on my bed was a black box with blue ribbon, _Ciara._ I could tell just by the color it was from her, walked over to it and saw the tag.

"To Bee from CC." I read aloud I knew it was from her, I took off the top and almost laughed at what was in it a picture of us on the day of the Halloween party her mom had took. The one where we were side hugging, Ciara's bright smile, and my half smirk, and our crazy costumes. But what caught my attention was a little ribbon at our feet that said 'It gets better, for anyone is perfect.' she knows just how to make me happy. I lifted the frame on put it on my wall about my bed and felt a smile try and break free on my face when I went and turned off the light I went to bed happily.

* * *

"SISSY WAKE YOU DIT'S CWISTMAS!" Jr. yelled excitedly. I got out of bed picked him up and walked into the hall to see my parents down the stairs around the tree filled with preasent underneathe, me and Jr trudged down the stairs him on my hip and came to the livingrrom.

"Well hello you two and Merry Christmas." Said my dad happily.

"You too." We all sat down and had Jr. open his presents first which he got alot of kiddie toys.

"Here you go Bianca you got all these things from Santa you should be very thankful and be a better girl from now on to get alittle more next Christmas." Sherry flashed a fake smile and I stared, I slowly grabbed oneand ripped it to see a algebra textbook, "To help bring that math grade up."

The next eight were all clothes that I hated because they were to girly even before IT happened I was still a tomboy and Sherry was always trying to make me the girly daughter she always wanted. BUt three were from dad which were skinnies and a baseball and bat which made me feel alitttle better. I gave them the two I had bought for them Sherry opened hers' which was a joke (a pill bottle that had candy pills and on the lable said 'CHILL PILLS' it was Ciara's idea) when Sherry saw it her eyes raised to mine with anger while my dad laughed. When he opened his he smiled it was the complete set of the Boondocks a series he loved, I knew he would like it.

"Wait there is one more thing we have for you." My dad got up and went to the hall closet and pulled out a box and i walked over to it. I ripped the tape off and opened it and saw a keyboard, song book, and micrphone, "Your music teacher called and said you were really gettingback into the iano and singing so i thought it would be perfect."

I ran at him and hugged him, "Thanks dad."

_******FINALLY A GOOD THING HAPPENED TO HER PLEZ REVIEW. THX TO MY MAIN REVIEWER MARIA KING.******_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Ch**__**apter 8.**_

"Bee...Bee get up. Come on Bee you have to get up." I twisted in my covers to see Ciara with her cheery smile looking down at me. I shut my eys and rubbed them before looking back up at her, "Bee you have to get up come on it's New Years Eve and we have plans."

I groaned inwardly and sighed, "No I don't wanna go to anymore parties after that halloween party."

"No not a party Bee but it'll be fun."

"I don't care..." She put her lips to mine and pulled away, pulling me with her.

"Now come on dress and we'll go." She stood up and I saw the outfit she had on a sparkly silver skirt, red tights, grey boots, and a long sleeved red half shirt with bright letters that read: IMGSSU.

"What's that shirt mean?"

"I'm gay so screw you," I nodded and walked to my closet pulling out my ripped black skinnies, my high tops, a purple hoodie shirt without sleeves, and my long sleeved grey Mickie Mouse shirt. I heard her smack her lips and blushed, I quickly walked into my bathroom and stripped i loooked down to put on my pants and saw all my cut scars, I gasped at all of them. I never really ever looked at them deeply but now that i saw them I wanted to puke there were like dozens of them, I bent over falling to the ground and threw up in the toilet, "Bee are you okay..." She walked in.

She stopped when she saw my head about the bowl and my probably green face, then looked down and stepped back at the sight of my thighs. She rushed over and gripped my shoulders staring me deeply in the eyes, "Why!?"

I felt my throat go dry as she looked at me, my eyes began to water and I looked away. She shook my shoulders making me look back at her her lip was quivering and eyes blood red, both our eyes were watery and ready to spill over. I couldn't say anything I just wanted to stop talking no one would notice but she would, she notices everything that happens to me or I do.

"I just...I-I-I just couldn't handle..." She stopped me by pulling me in for a hug, I sank into her embrace feeling the warmth of a hug I haven't had in a while. We cried to each other on the floor of my bathroom both feeling the same way, she knew how I felt from what happened with her sister she felt depression and despair and thats excatly what I feel every day. We both hurt, felt, and knew each other and that's what we needed each other.

I have her.

She has me.

But that's all we can do now we both know I will need time, but how long that's what we don't know.

"Where are we going?" I asked her as she stopped the car (when her mom was to busy Ciara and me jumped in the car and she hit the gas i didn't know how we hadn't gotten stopped yet but yea) I had on a blindfold which she wouldn't let me take off.

"You'll find out soon." We had our little episode on my bathroom floor and when we finished I got dressed and she got my parents into letting me leave without putting up a fght (mostly my stepmom). And we had spent the whole day helping her mom fix the house for her New Year's party, she told her mom we'd be back after the ball dropped she said okay. And now we had finally stopped and I was clueless to where we were, "Come on and get out."

I quickly opened my door feeling a little trapped in the little car, and she griped my hand leading me away from the car. We began to walk which took forever and when my legs finally felt like they were gonna drop Ciara stopped, making me sigh. She pulledoff theblindfold and I gasped it wasthe cliff were my dad used to bring me when it was summer especially the 4th of July t see the fireworks, it was the perfect view of the city. I looked at Ciara and she smiled.

"I saw the pic of this cliff on your laptop and thoughtt we should go." She grinned and I nodded my head happily at her, I slowly walked toward the edge and flopped down about ten feet from the edge. Ciara walked over and sat next to me, she had a basket I hadn't seen before and pulled out a giant McDonald's bag and smiled. She pulled out five Big Macs, ten large fries, thirteen mcnuggets, a bag of cookies, two water bottles, two sundaes, and a lot of ketchup packets. I stared at her in amazement and she shrugged, "I did alot of babysitting."

We ate as much as we could and laid back to stare atthe sky hen I heard Ciara sigh.

"Bianca why did you cut your legs up like that?" I felt her eyes on me even though I didn't look directly at her, I could feel her eyes on me.

"The pain..." That's when I realized what I had said i never metioned the way I felt or even brought up the reasons I drifted away into my black whole of a body when no one watched me. Ciara could make me talk about these things for some reason I'm glad she did.

"Who did it to you?" My heart stopped.

"I-I-I..." Couldn't finish my all I could do was hold my breathe and hope it stopped, I opened my eyes and saw the red, purple, and orange of the sunset.

"You don't have to tell me only when you're ready." She laid out a blanket and we laid on it she didn't ask again we just laid there, not moving, not talking, not breathing, At least I wasn't. I didn't know how long we were there but when i felt my phone buzz and saw it was my dad saying it was ten minutes to the countdown and enjoy myself. I sighed and was amazed that I didn't feel cold even though it was winter and we were on a mountain, I got off the blanket and pulled myself to the edge of the cliff and looked down. I could see the big TV on the park square and sighed as it was at two minutes to go until the new year, with Ciara, my old feelings on music back, and my old some what self around my dad I think this year is gonna be different. It was time to tell the truth and keep everyone safe. I knew it was time to get myself back, my friends, and my sanity. The countdown began.

_"15 my life, 14 his arrest, 13 Ciara's care, 12 my mother's tears, 11 my father's anger, 12 Julita's safety, 11 different looks, 10 afraid, 9 alone, 8 no solitude, 7 no more empty, 6 love, 5 alone, 4 worry, 3 pity, 2 screams, and 1 alone."_ My thoughts were interrupted when the loud 'HAPPY NEW YEAR' was screamed I broke down.

"I was raped by my step cousin and I want him dead!" My voice was loud and unsteady and I dropped to my knees and my eyes overflowed with tears and I felt warm arms wrap around me. I looked up to see Ciara and her warm eyes looking down at me as I cried.

"I know I know it hurts but I'll help you through it, I'll kill him myself if i have to." I snugged into her arms and my head in the crook of her neck. I was coming back to my old life and I was going to make him wish he were dead.

* * *

********PLEZ REVIEW I WUD RELI LIKE IT IF U DID.**************


	9. Chapter 9

_**Ch**__**apter 9.**_

That day Ciara started to help me get everything in my life back to the way it was we painted my white wall purple, went shopping for a whole new wardrobe, and she started forcing me to eat more. It's been working only it's been two weeks and I'm still too afraid to talk to Stephanie, so the Monday after New Years she was on the soccer field and Ciara forced me to talk to her. Wearing some skinnies, a hotlister shirt, and some lace up biker boots I slowly made my way to a bench near where Stephanie was practicing. I stopped when she looked up her glasses almost falling off.

"Hey Steph."

"Oh hey..." She turned her head back down and kicked at the soccer ball again.

"I see you're on the soccer team, I remember a few years ago you'd always talk about being the next big soccer player and traveling the world." I laughed and amazingly she did too.

"Yea well I'm a little more smarter now. Ha so I see you're back to your old self."

"Yea I guess you can say that." I shrugged and saw her smirk.

"So you're going to prom with Jack Tenor," she smiled.

"Yea he's taking me we've been together for two months."

"It's he like a senior a little to old for you." She glanced up.

"What do you want anyway!?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Yea like the way you did last summer. The way you yelled at me for asking what was wrong with you only cause I cared." She was talking lowly but I could tell she was angry.

"I'm so sorry for that Stephanie I just wasn't myself." She kicked the ball away and walked over to the bench.

"You could have just said you'd tell me later or you couldn't tell me right away I would have understood." Her face had softened but her grip on my shoulder was hard.

"Steph," I took a deep breath and looked over my shoulder to see Ciara watching us, "I was raped."

She gasped pushed me on the bench and her eyes began to search me.

"Are you okay did something happen!?"

"No I'm fine.

"Who was it?"

"Johnny."

"Your step dad's nephew!?" I nodded, "OMG I can't believe it." She pulled me into a hug and she began to cry and say how she should have been there for me and stuff making me cry too. We pulled away and the school bell rang she had practice and said she'd call me later, so i walked back to Ciara who was talking to this guy about the school play. She glanced up and smiled telling the guy she'd see him later.

"So how'd it go?" Her eyes were worried and full of love, and I hugged her.

"I just got my best friend back." She smiled and we got our stuff and left to go home, "Now all I need to do is tell my parents."

"Don't worry I'll be right there next to you." She squeezed my hand and we went home.


End file.
